Mariah Carey Feathers Blac Chyna (VIDEO)

If you’ve ever been to a Vegas show and buy into a spur of the moment decision by the entertainer to bring a seemingly unaware volunteer up on stage, you’re being duped. On the same level as the girl you called to come dance in your room who says she needs to bring her friend along because they’re sharing an Uber. Every single moment of these big budget shows are staged and timed and rehearsed. Roy knew precisely when that tiger was going to eat his face. Small chance he missed the pre-pro meeting that day.

Mariah Carey brings up an audience member during her I’m Not As Fat As I Look in Photos residency show in Vegas. The volunteer is inevitably a celebrity of some sort invited to the show to make it feel Hollywood. On Saturday, Carey got Blac Chyna. The weekend pickings gets lean. Carey had the pregnant stripper waddle on stage and lay in a bed while a guy in leather pants fired virtual human immunodeficiency virus into her maw. It’s the kind of shtick that was provocative in an era before you could type “fisting” on a keyboard and have 105,000 hours of fetish entertainment unfold before you. Mariah Carey tickled the gestating human hot zone with a red feather just to rub in the the fact that you should’ve opted for the Cirque du Soleil tickets on your package deal. 

The one rule of Vegas is that you can never get your money back. If you try to return your Subway footlong for only being eleven inches a large guy with a thick neck in a maroon jacket will punch you in the kidney and throw you out on the street. Don’t be fooled by all the obese people and pretty lights. It’s a rough town. Bleach the sheets before the 9:30 show. If the CDC blue light shows even trace amounts of contact sperm, it’s going to cost you a serious bribe to keep the show open.