Khloe Kardashian Has Changed

There’s never been an oblong duckling who’s worked harder, spent more money, or cried more tears to Jesus to be pretty like her whore sisters than Khloe Kardashian. A constant barrage of surgeries and implants and cinches and bleaching and lasers has turned Khloe Kardashian into some type of perfect black baller cupcake of sex. The question can never be, was it all worth it, it has to be, what was the alternative.

Khloe’s job responsibilities include laying supine for extended periods and Tweeting stupid platitudes that her lonely followers and gossip rags confuse with mesmerizing Confucianism:

It’s not the future that you’re afraid of. It’s repeating the past that makes you anxious.

US Weekly called that “cryptic”. Another described it as thoughtful. An individual who just completed the $4.99 lunch special at the local Szechuan restaurant recognized it more specifically.

Everybody needs an identity. Also an artificially compacted abdomen to provide the appearance of a tiny waist. Never say the Kardashians don’t work for their money. The steel industry is dead. Khloe Kardashian is the face of the new economy. Build your own mindless fucktoys, China.

_{Photo Credit: FameFlynet/Splash}