Johnny Manziel’s Got It All Figured Out

Johnny Manziel has been wandering Cabo in a Browns jersey and a bandana which reads “Fucked Up” which is exactly what Keanu Reeves would do in a movie before getting his act together. Unfortunately that is not Manziel’s fate, not attractive enough. He is staying at a house killing his mind with twenty scumbags one of whom posted this photo to Snapchat which by the way can be screen grabbed, you fucking moron. Also in attendance is Playboy Playmate Daisy Lea, a term which is now short for struggling Instagram model. Lea posted her own Snapchat which said “Meet me in the bathroom stall.” That might be a cocaine reference although maybe she will just blow anyone who steps inside. 

Johnny for his part tells TMZ he’s gearing up for an NFL comeback since they’re the only outlet who will still take his calls. He says after this most recent bender he’s sobering up which is wholly reassuring for any potential bidders. We all know Tom Brady’s heroin and beer regimen during the off season. You could just stay in the house and get fucked up and possibly still have a job, whoring around with a bunch of skeezes in a dirty uniform seems like a decent alternative though. His net worth is reportedly around six million bucks. If he paces himself this could go on another twenty years or so. Say what you will the guy’s a fucking athlete. We may have found the next Hunter S Thompson. Minus the talent. So, basically an old druggy. Best case scenario. 

_{Photo Credit: SnapChat}