Johnny Manziel Served

Life isn’t looking up when you’re being served with court papers outside a nightclub at two am and even TMZ can’t figure out which of three pending legal cases is summoning you. Johnny Manziel is currently in the midst of a domestic battery case with his ex-girlfriend who tells a harrowing tale of Manziel slapping her head a few times before his empty threats to off himself. He was also involved in a hit-light-pole and run accident in Los Angeles six weeks ago, where he’s also being sued by his former landlord for brutally fucking up his multimillion dollar rental. 

…the former Cleveland Browns quarterback is accused of causing $32,000 worth of damage to the West Hollywood rental home following a wild party, leaving behind wine stains, cigarette burns on carpeting and suspicious white powder on a table.

Suspicious white powder sounds more sinister than just saying cocaine. Suspicious white power shuts down the U.S. Capitol when it’s discovered in Congressional offices, as opposed to the cocaine the elected reps are all sniffing while reaming their male pages. 

Manziel ignored the subpoena so that he could stay focused on drinking more and trying to get it up for the young brunette he smuggled into his Rolls Royce. Focus is what makes a great quarterback. Even more so than sobriety. Manziel through his attorney expressed his intent to be back in the NFL by this Fall, though it’s unclear what stadium and concession stand Johnny is aiming for. A drunk LeBron or Tom Brady gets a third chance. If you’ve ever considered suing Johnny Manziel, now would be the time.

_{Photo credit: Splash News}