Kristen Stewart Stepping Up

Lesbian gossip mills churn moist and reticent. Kristen Stewart was spotted hanging out with this Victoria’s Secret model Stella Maxwell late night which has led people to speculate they were fucking. That’s gender equality. If a dude were hanging around with a blond lingerie model at an after-party, you’d suspect they were fucking. Maxwell is the same model chick who let cameras conveniently catch her making out with Miley Cyrus during the two weeks Cyrus declared her genetics were gender neutral in perfect timing with her new record drop.

It seems unlikely that a hot woman with options could tolerate Stewart’s stories about being nine and not getting a pony for her birthday from her stupid fucking parents. But if you’re going to known as the model who dabbles in the vagina arts with famous hetero celebrities, concessions must be made. Cara Delevingne has a six picture deal out of the same m.o. You’re taller and better looking. Make some crappy movies and retire with your gold plated dildo off the residuals. In your next life God will give you a dick for being so clever.

 _{Photo Credit: Splash}