Sinead O’Connor Still Alive

Sinead O’Connor was reported as being missing and possibly suicidal in a Chicago suburbu, although to be fair when she goes to Trader Joe’s she’s shopping and suicidal. It’s not a good sign when you go on a bike ride and people just assume you’re en route to off yourself. It’s unclear who called the police. Smart money is on Sinead O’Connor. She gets off on attention and most likely masturbating with a crucifix or Bono action figure.

Police found her safe in a hotel after a massive manhunt as several minority teenagers were being murdered across town. She was taken to a hospital, most likely because she’d posted some cryptic suicide threats to Facebook which are still allowed but not tits. O’Connor’s last suicide attempt had all the voracity of a two day game of Words with Friends. This is a Boy who Cried Wolf situation. Get her an ankle monitor and make her apologize to Arsenio before slapping on the muzzle. 

Photo Credit: Facebook