Tom Cruise Working Something Big

Tom Cruise has received permission from the partially ethereal leaders of the Church of Scientology to move into L. Ron Hubbard’s old castle digs in England and spruce it up a bit. The former Hubbard home before he headed to sea to avoid tax jail is located in the Vermont of the U.K. East Grinstead is filled with wacky hippies and cultists and people who cut their own hair and churn bitter butter in between stenciling runes to call out their gods. It’s perfect for whatever Cruise has planned for the digs he’s pouring tens of millions of dollars into fabricating. Residents report an endless line of work trucks and contractors making their way onto the Scientology castle grounds. A large swath of timberland has been cleared behind the existing buildings.

Scientology locals are leaking the story that it’s going to be a gym and gourmet restaurant. A betting man might say nukes. Or a massive IT center to bring about the apocalypse in a more digital manner. Cruise is no spring chicken. The combination of UFO beliefs, endless money, and a gay self-loathing stint now into its fourth decade is where Bond villains come from. Join a Facebook fan club for the Mission Impossible movie series. He might laser you last.

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