The Bachelor’s Relationship Might Not Work Out

Bachelor Ben Higgins and fiancée Lauren Bushnell are reportedly experiencing tension in their relationship. Though TV time seems like forever, this is technically the second week they’ve ever spent together. A little early for waterfall vacation selfies.

In an episode that rocked cat and very small dog owning women to the core, Higgins told both of the two finalist bachelorettes that he loved them. A massive breach in the entirely staged protocol of the show. Bushnell is still struggling to come to terms with the idea that Higgins was behaving with her the same way he was behaving with another girl. On a competitive dating television show. With thirty women. 

Bushnell is suddenly feeling pressured into committing to a lifetime with someone she barely knows. The entire premise of the show. Arranged marriages have a lower rate of divorce than traditional courtship marriages between random strangers who like to bone. Marriages arranged by reality show producers for the benefit of selling more tampons every seven minutes have a much lower rate of success. It’s zero. There’ a time and a place to believe in fairytales. It’s called pre-school. If you’re thirty-five and you’re still counting on unexplained magic to make you happy, you’re not a romantic, you’re a moron. Get on Tinder with that photo of you from back in college and enter the fray. A vibrator will never bring you a box of checkout counter CVS chocolates on Valentine’s. 

Photo credit: Ben Higgins / Instagram