Selena Gomez Seduced by Swift

The role Taylor Swift plays in the life of her all-female friends is to convince them to dump their loser boyfriends. According to HollywoodLife which takes quotes from publicists and frames them as exclusive insider stories, Swift wants Selena Gomez to excommunicate Justin Bieber entirely and forever. Swift didn’t like how Bieber disrespected Selena Gomez at the iHeart Radio Awards. She made no mention of the fact Bieber’s a self-involved crass Canadian midget who’s frequented Brazilian working girls. Swifts promise to her friends being that fairytale Prince Charming is just around the corner. The latter result is not borne from any actual results and has largely resulted in Swift turning her gal pals into man-hating disappointed lightly experimenting lesbians drinking wine at in-home cosmetics parties. It’s slightly less sinister than how ISIS recruits on Twitter. Allahu Akbar, boys drool, girls rule. What time is your mom coming to pick you up? Let’s try on lingerie and giggle.

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