National Equal Pay For Women Day Is the Best

National Equal Pay For Women Day isn’t the first holiday based entirely upon a myth. In fact, most of them are. Columbus didn’t discover America. St. Valentine didn’t believe in taking your chick to Fudrucker’s only to witness her soul crushing disappointment. The simplistic and completely unsubstantiated slogan that women earn 78-cents on the dollar to men continues to spread throughout the land. It’s the basis of political campaigns, social movements, and celebrity Tweets by women who live in 10,000 square foot homes with multiple pools.

Today being National Equal Pay for Women Day, President Obama declared a new national monument for Equal Pay for Women. That should be an Onion headline. It’s not. The national monument isn’t newly built, it’s an existing historical landmark the President re-dedicated as a national monument. So if you want to get technical on who’s giving women the short end of the money stick, take a look at the guy you largely were responsible for electing.

Women make less money than men in general because in general they work less hours and commit to traditional career tracks less than men who grind it out from 21 to prostate cancer death without intermission. Also, women are less adept at negotiations. In her own feminist breakout essay, even Jennifer Lawrence takes partial responsibility for only making crazy sick money from her gigs, not super crazy sick money. It’s the same reason women get stuck buying new air filters at Jiffy Lube when the manager keeps insisting and must know what he’s talking about. Is there something inside the new national monument that’s going to give you the courage to say no thank you in the face of a dirty looking prop air filter?

It’s okay for ignorant people to buy wholesale into specious slogans. The world counts on the more aware people to call bullshit rather than employ false rhetoric for personal gain. Hillary Clinton will get paid the exact same to be President as Barack Obama when she’s inevitably sworn in as President. When is National I Feel Like Somebody Just Punched Me in the Nuts Day?