Models Reminding You That You’ll Never Fuck a Model

As if 5’10” size-zero girls with enough money to afford designer dresses didn’t represent an elite enough class already, now they’re launching an invitation-only app to highlight their exclusivity. Models you jerk off to and the rich male toads they fuck for money attended a launch party for a new fashion app. The app is called Armarium, and it allows members to borrow dresses and accessories from high-end designers. How do you become a member? You can’t. You didn’t get tapped for Skull and Bones. You’re not Trilateral material. Most of Trilateral isn’t Armarium material. Nina Agdal, Devon Windsor, and a Rockefeller were in attendance at the Park Avenue event, reminding the general public that this has nothing to do with them. Do you realize how many people in this line have DiCaprio jizz crusted onto their chin? Move to the back and try again. There’s no app that can make you feel good about being broke and having a fat girlfriend.

Photo credit: Nina Agdal and Devon Windsor / Instagram