MJ Worries About Tiger

Michael Jordan has expressed concern over Tiger Woods, in a new ESPN story. Jordan says that Woods wants to retire, but doesn’t want to do it while sucking so so bad:

I think he really wishes he could retire, but he doesn’t know how to do it yet, and I don’t think he wants to leave it where it is right now… The thing is I love him so much that I can’t tell him, ‘You’re not gonna be great again…’ What does he do every day? I don’t know. I haven’t the slightest idea. I do not know.

Sports commentators have speculated about the reasons for Woods’ precipitous decline in performance with everybody shying away from the fact it’s almost certainly related to lack of fucking. When Woods was boning three fame whores a week, he was winning tourneys with his eyes closed. He was super loose. 

Woods problem isn’t physical deterioration, it’s caring what other people think. Jordan never gave a shit. He just wanted to destroy you and fuck your wife. People respected that purity. Woods last hope for a comeback is to climb back into the pussy saddle. Stop talking about the best interest of your kids. They want this for you too, dad. Get them some noise canceling headphones and start fucking their nannies and teachers and female doctors. Children are an excellent source of pussy leads. So are dogs. You’re rolling in opportunity. Stop leaving your balls short of the cup. You’re the first and last black golfer ever. Start fucking.

Photo credit: Tiger Woods / Instagram