Britney Spears Committed to Her Abs

Britney Spears spends half her time dancing to fill her father’s coffers. The other half defending her abdominal muscles online. Since dropping fifteen pounds of Shamrock shake from her paunch, Spears has been on a mission to post photos of herself in bare midriff outfits. Screaming ‘finish on my flat tummy!’ would be more subtle. Since nobody trusts anything posted to social media though still continue to spend hours responding to completely contrived content, people began suggesting Spears was Photoshopping herself into a leaner waistline. Some guy also mentioned systemic problems plaguing our nation’s public schools, but he was quickly dismissed as an off-topic troll. Spears devised an ingenious plan to post a photo of her abs reflected in the mirror. I never crammed with Hawking at Cambridge, but apparently you can’t air brush mirrored images without the assistance of some very serious Asians. None of this makes much sense while still setting back feminism by four and a half months. Women are more than just physical objects to be judged by the sum worth of their body parts. Though not like a ton more. I have to got to find that Mogwai shop where Britney bought that magic mirror.

Photo credit: Britney Spears/Instagram