Audrina Patridge Pregnant in A Bikini

If you wanted to fuck her first, you’re too late. Audrina Patridge has eased effortlessly into the Hollywood standard practice of insisting people witness your gestating fetus and then complaining about all the strange looks you get.

“Belly belly belly. The bigger I get people either seem to stare as if I’m an alien or ask to rub it for good luck #pregolife.”

How weird it must be to be a thirty-year old woman with child. If only there were some kind of survivors group with three billion people you could share with. Didn’t they used to send knocked up out of wedlock rich girls to live with their lesbian aunts? This is the worst breast augmentation procedure ever.

Photo Credit: AKM-GSI