The Bachelor Chooses Ass

My wife made me watch the finale of The Bachelor. I don’t care if you think I’m lying, I’m good with me and Jesus. I don’t get porn for women. There’s very little fucking and a shit ton of feminine hygiene commercials. That seems wrong.

Bachelor Ben Higgins had to decide between the flight attendant with the nice ass and the real estate developer with the nice tits. Classic Hobson’s choice but with amazing fake jobs. Higgins chose ass. Lauren B. had an amazing backside. Judging from her bowlegged waddle, I’m not the first man to notice.

The runner-up chick with the nice rack is the real winner. If you discount the fact she’s a grown woman who goes by JoJo.  She cried on national television because she didn’t get proposed to after an eight week relationship with a dude she knew for  a fact was banging other girls. She claimed to be blindsided by his decision. If you’re one of the last two, it’s mathematically impossible to be blindsided. JoJo was selected to be the next Bachelorette. That’s better than a fake marriage that lasts maybe until the next People’s Choice Awards. She’ll get paid to have a bunch of male models motorboat her titties in the hot tub. At least that concept makes sense. I penciled in the finale.

Photo credit: The Bachelor / ABC