Sumner Redstone Likes Him Some Sex

Vanity Fair claims that 92-year old Viacom chief and barely functioning billionaire Sumner Redstone maintains a stable of sex workers to handle his 92-year old sexual appetites. One girl received $5,000 a month on retainer. Another girl on the payroll, reported some sleight of hand in the bedroom:

“The male nurse—identified…as Jeremy Jagiello—remained in the room with her and Redstone, directing me and telling me what sex acts I should perform. Jagiello would ‘sometimes tell Sumner that he had ejaculated, when in fact Sumner had not. Sumner appeared to believe him, not aware of the truth.'”

Jeremy’s no dummy. Shut your mouth and go along with the program. None of us are being paid by the hour here.

“There is supposedly a sex tape, made by one of Sumner’s ‘handlers’… According to people who have heard about it, the tape shows a ‘butt naked’ Redstone watching two women kissing. ‘He’s just sitting there, kind of like comatose. Then Redstone heaves himself over the armrest of the chair, and the two women direct their attentions toward him.”

This seems gross. Old people smell funny and have skin tags. But we can drop the self-righteous Victorian-era prostitution morality. Cleaning toilets is grosser and won’t allow you 28 days off a month to hashtag your bikini selfies from Maui. Amnesty International has voted to decriminalize sex work. People in Kentucky are still shitting in holes and accidentally blowing up their homemade moonshine distilleries because they were distracted by their cousin’s tits. Perspective’s important. We’re all whores. So you can no longer enjoy dried fruit. Small price to pay for $60,000 a year occasional side work.

Photo credit: Hollywood.TV / YouTube