Mama June Empire Building

Mother of diabetic dragons, Mama June Shannan, purchased an investment property in Georgia. Workers recently discovered what they think may be the remains of a human skull on Mama June’s property. It’s under investigation with the prevailing theory being that Mama June consumed her last late-term abortion and buried the fetal bones. She’s just very hungry, she’s not without feelings.

The real story here is that Mama June can afford an investment property. I don’t care how much Obama is giving away in food stamps to morbidly obese people without jobs, it’s not enough to become other people’s landlords. Mama June is a reality television success story. Only in America. In over three-quarters of the world’s nations Mama June would be boiled alive so her rendered fat might light the lanterns of millions.

If ever there were a time to be socialist who believes in the redistribution of wealth, it would be now. If only to rectify this nightmare scenario. I’m feeling the Bern. Go after Mama June first. Jowl tax. Five kids who didn’t try so much in high school can now go to college. I knew this would work perfectly.

Photo credit: Mama June / Twitter