Helen Mirren Rapes Colbert

Dame Helen Mirren was on The Late Show with Stephen Colbert this week and greeted the show host with a romantic kiss. 

“If I didn’t do it then, I’d never get to do it, so, you know… I have been dreaming about doing that for about, you know, fifteen years. So I just grabbed my chance. I’m sorry.

Sounds classier with a British accent. Now you try that. Approach a woman you vaguely know and kiss her on the lips without her permission. Laugh and explain how you’ve been tugging one out to her for years and just had to take a shot.  Congratulations, Leslie Mann’s gimp just compared you to Bill Cosby on Twitter. No less than six girls at Vassar are writing about your rape in their senior theses. Joe Biden’s calling you “the problem” at next year’s Oscars.

Double standards aren’t all bad. Universally, men do love when hot old British chicks sexually assault them. Asking seems gratuitous. Like inquiring if Oprah would like a slice of the birthday cake. If equality is to mean anything than overbearing broad-brushed zero tolerance rules need be applied evenly. Only then can we truly say we’ve made life miserable for all of us. Feminism just makes sense.

Photo credit: The Late Show with Stephen Colbert / YouTube