Fuller House Needed Us

Lori Loughlin’s teen daughters sometimes forget their mom is famous.

Is she, though? Loughlin was entrenched in the pantheon of late 80’s-early 90’s boner-inducers with high bikini bottoms. A golden era when no one had yet uttered the term “plus-size,” People could pretend Maria Conchita Alonso and Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio were sex symbols who didn’t look like your friend’s aunt who could never keep a husband. Loughlin’s never risen above Aunt Becky on Full House. She made a a run at a couple other shows, but nothing ever caught. Movies of the Week died as a genre. That was a blow to every modestly attractive but not at all sexy suburban mom archetype.

With Netflix’s release of the Fuller House reboot, the media is pretending that the cast is comprised of mega-stars who gifted the public with this nostalgic reprise. But we did them the favor. Bob Saget’s predicated his entire interim career on being the polar opposite of Danny Tanner, John Stamos does Greek yogurt commercials, and Dave Coulier might have been the subject of a decades-old Alanis Morissette song. The more successful daughter wound up on meth. The baby turned out to be two girls who are now in their 20’s and weigh less than they did on the show. You’re welcome, cast of Fuller House. Now where’s our cut? Power to the people.

Photo credit: Lori Loughlin / Instagram