Britney Spears Super Eligible

Britney Spears stopped using McRibs to form the foundation of her food pyramid and dropped a solid amount of weight. No more split pants on stage. She’s still rapidly approaching scary Helga face from Vikings. The tabloids are spinning her as super eligible in between rounds of calling her near death or sad and despondent. She earns tens of millions and still shops at Kmart. That’s not a bad basis for a marriage. If you went in with a solid plan to wrestle away custodianship of her cash away from freeloading dad, you might have a thing. Also, ditch the swamp kids. A practical Southern girl knows what needs to be done when the kids get in the way of a romantic connection. Make sure you’ve crossed over state lines into Florida. Nobody need to go to jail over this.

Photo Credit: Splash