Blake Shelton Denies Mailbox Pissing

Celebrities not Tom Cruise don’t usually sue the tabloids simply because it’s a pain in the ass and they don’t need whatever winnings are to be had at the end of the multi-year process. If you’ve ever stood in a checkout line at the grocery store you know that half of the female population can’t help but turn toward the shocking headlines and crinkle their face. If they eye-level stacked Swank and Jugs, you’d see men crank their necks similarly. I’ve almost purchased beef jerky every time I’ve ever been through the line.

Blake Shelton from  The Voice and various country music songs that all sound the same is suing In-Touch magazine for two million for a story about how he was slamming shooters for breakfast, slurring his words, and headed to rehab. They also claim he peed on a mailbox. Let he who is without drunk pissing sins cast the first stone. Shelton denied every single claim in the story:

I have never been to rehab. I did not then, nor have I ever, hit rock bottom. I do not drink excessively, binge drink or have a drinking problem. I do not drink vodka before 11 a.m. I am never drunk, intoxicated, or unable to perform my job on ‘The Voice.’ I do not slur my words or stumble when I drink. I have never urinated on a mailbox.

For their part, In-Touch continues to claim their story was “substantially true” which is ten clicks higher on the veracity chart than their normal standard of “would a pre-diabetic customer service rep in Tuscon believe this?” He does look pretty sweaty in that photo. Only guilty men sweat. Also stocky dudes with large belt buckles. He’ll probably win. Nobody cares. This is the only porn for women that has ever caught on. They make so much money from this crap.