Teresa Guidice Memoirs Seem Particularly Shitty

Bravo TV’s Teresa Guidice just spent fifteen months in jail for bankruptcy fraud. Her husband is about to do thirty nine months. The judge ordered them to serve stints consecutively so one parent would always be around to guide their young teen daughters into the next generation of reality star whores. This nation used to need farmers.

Guidice is legally free to turn her prison time into attention and money for herself, including a tell-all book about what it’s like to be a New Jersey housewife with weight issues forced into knitting jumpers in the federal pen. The harrowing tales of flipping through Redbook magazines for fifteen months and speaking with her kids more often than before prison makes this a no brainer Amazon buy. And that’s before the obviously contrived prison lesbian sex tidbits.

I could see two women … writhing around … I cannot believe this is happening!

You can’t believe lonely women in prison are masturbating each other or that you had to commit literary fraud as your first act upon leaving prison? Being arrested for larceny is the last interesting thing you did. Step up into some violent assaults and we might have a second book. Andy Cohen kept your chair warm. Semen baths was just a lucky guess.

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