Katy Perry Might Be JonBenet Ramsey

Everybody laughed at Drudgereport for a ridiculous story about a fat chick in a semen stained blue dress and at the National Enquirer for suggesting that they saw Presidential candidate front-runner John Edwards banging his campaign videographer in a Beverly Hills hotel while his wife was at home dying of cancer. It’s not entirely impossible to follow the broken clock theory of dubious media outlet precision.

There’s a revival of an Internet conspiracy theory that Katy Perry may in fact be the grown up JonBenet Ramsey, the grade school beauty pageant girl assaulted and murdered in her home in 1996. The theory suggests that JonBenet was never killed, just a faked death only to be foisted on the music market a dozen years later in the form of Katy Perry. The evidence against the theory includes the fact that Katy Perry parents were grifting ministers collecting donations to battle the sinister Jews, while JonBenet’s parents were extremely suspicious characters in their daughter’s gross sexualization and bloody underpants murder. The two need not be mutually exclusive.

The video does seem to nail the similar eyebrows. Also, you can’t say it’s not true, which means it is true according to modern precepts of Internet logic. In the very least, it explains Katy Perry’s poor choice in men. Also that less popular song she has about being a young Colorado beauty pageant contestant raped by her father’s poker buddies. Get Columbo on the case. No, he’s not really dead either.

Photo Credit: Splash