Charlie Sheen Arthritic Goat’s Milk Cure Not Working as Planned (VIDEO)

Charlie Sheen may have contracted the HIV virus in the conventional manner, but his attempts to rid himself of the deadly STD and return to a baseline of coronary disease and cocaine induced M.S. are anything but standard. Sheen has made various unfounded claims about his HIV count becoming so low through medicinal treatments that he’s hardly contagious. This could be just a defense ploy for his various civil suit litigations though since he’s nuts he probably also believes it. Sheen has rounded up every TV and quack offshore doctor into a Justice League of unlicensed to practice physicians to find a cure so that he may continue to fuck porn stars while super fucking high. I mean, if you’re not busy trying to cure Hawking’s ALS this week and you’ve got nothing else to do.

Dr. Samir Chachoua, which is almost certainly not the name he’s known as on Interpol arrest warrants, claimed on the Bill Maher Show that he is curing Sheen with injections of arthritic goat’s milk. As if being an arthritic lactating goat isn’t a bad enough lot. Chachoua insists the virus in the goat’s milk combats the HIV virus and diminished the count in the body of the infected patients to essentially null. He claims his cure has been used to wipe out HIV and AIDS in various African nations. It’s a clever claim because nobody can name most African nations. Chachou is so confident in his cure for HIV that he injected himself with Charlie Sheen’s blood. It seems insane though far more tolerable than letting Charlie fuck you in the ass while you’re dressed as an Ice Follies girl. There was no third option.

Everything was going swimmingly until Sheen went off his big pharma HIV suppressant meds in favor of the billy goat gruff and his viral count started to skyrocket. Even his other fake doctors screamed for him to quit the goat’s milk before he got full blown The AIDS. Dead men pay no consulting fees. It’s unfair that anybody dies while Charlie Sheens gets to live. Tiger’s blood was one thing. Chasing down arthritic goats isn’t a real sport.