Stacey Dash Seems Touched (VIDEO)

Casting black female conservatives for TV news segments can’t be easy. There are four of them in total and they shout a lot. Fox News keeps rolling over to Stacey Dash. She was in the movie Clueless which she turned into the TV show Clueless and then parts on thirty-nine TV shows on channels I’d dare you to find on a modern cable guide. Dash seems mildly retarded. Or a heavily medicated genius. Even Hawking isn’t explaining black holes while dosing lithium. Though I’m pretty certain Dash is the former.

I agree in principle with most everything Dash is saying about black celebrities bitching about the Oscars. It’s still embarrassing to say you agree with Stacey Dash out loud. She seems at a loss for words. Any words. ‘Help’ would be a good one. Chuckles right next to you is teeing up softballs. You’re swinging backwards. It’s like high-fiving the slob next to you at the game after a touchdown. He’s on your team. But he’s not. Now your hand smells like mortadella. Stacey Dash is a vegetarian so your hand just smells like stupid. Isn’t there anybody articulate left to explain you can’t make a big deal about declining an event you were never invited to? Sharpton just jumped into the pool. Everybody out.