Rushing Delta Gamma (VIDEO)

This Delta Gamma sorority recruitment videos plays like the the sequel to a Bat Mitzvah interstitial made by the nephew with the video camera. Could nobody in casting find you somebody over 5’3″?

You’re at the University of Miami. It costs $46,000 a year in tuition for a academics that rank below University of Florida at $6,000 upstate. Could you at least show one classroom shot or a textbook or something to make dad feel like breaking the bank to find you a husband is a good investment. that nose and tits didn’t come free either. I don’t care who you know at synagogue.

Daughters are expensive. You used to have to deal them away to bedouins with one cow, one pig, and one goat thrown in. The Chinese drown their girls at birth. In sand. Somebody’s reading their water conservation brochures. Every time some politician spits out the platitude about the importance of college, I’m flipping through the Delta Gamma promo video. College is super important for modest income Asian kids studying engineering then quickly tumbles in importance on down to the DG girls in Coral Gables.

We need smart kids to work hard and make the cool shit we love. We need sexually active dumb girls to put out so hard work has intangible benefits. It’s expensive to make college the answer to both of these.