Meredith Vieira Is Gone, Just like That

The Meredith Vieira show was canceled on NBC when somebody noticed that not a single person was watching it. It’s a possible indicator of the downward trend in unemployed pre-diabetic women with small house dogs, though the census says otherwise. Afternoon talk show sizes have dwindled in viewership and girth since Oprah wrote herself a fifty million dollar retirement check. If there’s one thing Oprah knows, it’s business trends. She got out before the market drop.

Shockingly staged reality programming has moved into sexualized fare in the evening hours. The human freak circus element of daytime talk shows can be had more comprehensively on the Internet. That leaves you shut-ins without access to cable. They’re good for some class action pharmaceutical lawsuit ads, but the segment just isn’t hopping. Ellen will go on forever because she books A-list celebrity guests and her pantsuits are fetching and everybody in Hollywood is scared to shit of her. Every other host is one bad week away from cancelation. We could just cut off television between 9-5 during weekdays and encourage people to be productive, but that would be unfair to the illegals who can simultaneously work and watch soccer on shitty TV’s propped on milk crates. Si se puede. Adios, Meredith.