Jessica Simpson in A Bikini

Jessica Simpson caravanned her entire freeloading family down to that resort in Cabo that puts up celebrities for free provided they pay no attention to the teeny tiny Mexican photographers lining the palm trees. Somebody’s got to sell crappy shmata at Walmart to pay for her own birthday trips. I’d probably drink heavily too.

Simpson still looks tit smashing in a bikini. Her husband who played for eleven seconds in the NFL before retiring to her bank account almost ruined the birthday trip when he posed in the gay male porn submissive position with his head between Jessica’s moms spread legs. It’s the kind of thing that’s super funny when you’re high on peyote and cactus with your mom who was married to a gay dude for decades. Beards gone wild. If you move down the side roads in Cabo you can see the X-rated version of this same act. Ask for a cup of Purell with your nachos. Trump just built a wall behind us. We’re never getting home.

Photo Credit: FameFlynet