Keke Palmer Is Sexually Fluid Too Also

Former member of the Nickelodeon Child TV Mafia, Keke Palmer, announced that she was sexually fluid. Like many of her 20-something female celebrity peers, she finds the term enchanting. Also, magazines for chicks eat that nonsensical slogan up for headlines.

Palmer used to date rapper dudes as a teen which made her straight and stupid, then she started making out with chicks in music videos, which made her a lesbian and ten times more interesting than ever before. Now she wants to note for the record she doesn’t like labels applied to her sexuality. Who does? Not Jared Fogle. And I could do without the ‘chubby chaser’ tag still hanging mostly unfairly over my head from college.

That’s really the point — it’s female autonomy and her being who she wants to be in the world; there’s no labels attached, she’s just doing her! She doesn’t have to explain it to anybody because at the end of the day, it’s her that decides what she wants to do, and who!”

Male privilege used to limit her to being gay or straight or bi. Now she can be so much more than that. Though there is nothing more than that. You can only fuck boys or girls or both. It’s McDonald’s soft-serv. You got chocolate, you got vanilla, and you got chocolate-vanilla if you ask nicely and the attendant happens to speak English. You can declare yourself flavor fluid and denounce labels, but that doesn’t change the menu. There is no strawberry option that comes in to play if you hem and fuss over your order long enough.

Human sexuality should be described more practically by the labels ‘getting none’, ‘getting some’, or ‘getting a ton’. That’s all that really matters. Spinning any of these into more than animal basics is the fodder of daytime talk shows and Sirius radio sex therapists. Reasonably attractive women who speak of their own sexuality should in the least do so while naked. It’s a visual topic. That’s why porn on audio  tape  has never really taken off. You’re getting a ton, aren’t you, Keke? There’s no shame in that.

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