El Chapo Takes on ISIS

While American political leadership is baking Halal cookies for ISIS, one man stands super short above the fray determined to fight terror with terror. El Chapo. The recently escaped or possibly just-let-go Sinaloa drug cartel leader sent an open letter to ISIS insisting he’s going to blast the Islamic terrorists direct to Allah if they ever mess with his drugs again. In a weird bout of relativist morality, ISIS soldiers have been torching drug shipments they capture from the central American cartel headed for the party capitals of the Middle East.

You [ISIS] are not soldiers. You are nothing but lowly pussies. Your god cannot save you from the true terror that my men will levy at you if you continue to impact my operation. My men will destroy you. The world is not yours to dictate. I pity the next son of a whore that tries to interfere with the business of the Sinaloa Cartel. I will have their heart and tongue torn from them.

Very similar to Obama’s speech, with just a dash of directness. This is the way men who behead other people speak to one another. No dancing. It’s unclear what if anything El Chapo and his drug army could really do to ISIS. The New York Sicilian mafia has previously agreed to step up the fight against ISIS in absence of American leadership. It’s ultimately tough to intimidate people who are sort of hoping to be killed. Still, never underestimate the fury of a ripped off drug dealer. The virgins are all going to giggle when you show up with your balls cut off. Adios Akbar.

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