The All Female Ocean’s Eleven Movie Nobody Wanted Is Coming

After clamor from absolutely nobody anywhere, an all female cast version of Ocean’s Eleven is in the works. This has nothing to do with George Clooney exec producing and lining up some easy millions in his pocket to help fund his wife’s ISIS support picnics. Or upping his feminist credentials, marred only by his fucking the shit out of fifty young women and dumping them when he got tired of their pussies. Or doing a huge solid for his good friend Sandra Bullock who could use a win. It’s about a commitment to cynically remake, reboot, or retool every previous successful movie ever because making new shit is too hard and making old shit again is a surer bet. The Ocean’s Eleven franchise is a re-do itself of the Ocean’s Eleven from 1960 where they intentionally put a black guy in so nobody in 2015 could do the all-black Ocean’s Eleven and call it novel. This is movie making in the manner of going back to fuck your old girlfriend. You still have her number because it’s comfortable and she doesn’t make you work hard. Now imagine your fucking Sandra Bullock. Now, gimme fourteen dollars, dummy, twenty if you want popcorn.