Serena Williams Fudged

Serena Williams went on Facebook to humble brag that a thug stole her cellphone at a restaurant and she went mad dog through the establishment, took him down, and pummeled him into the cement. She posted an old picture of herself in a Supergirl costume and referred to the moment as her superhero persona taking over. I guess she ran out of space for a shout out to a regimen of undetectable yak testosterone.

Not thinking I reacted (hence the superwoman photo) I jumped up, weaved my way in and out of the cozy restaurant (leaping over a chair or two) and chased him down. He began to run but I was too fast. (Those sprints came in handy) I was upon him in a flash!

ABC news bought the surveillance tape from the Chinese restaurant in San Francisco and it kind of looks like an old gay dude horked her phone probably knowing she was Serena Williams and maybe he was a stalker fan. She caught up to him pretty easily, he made some bullshit excuse about grabbing the wrong phone, handed it back to her, and still made a nine-thirty showing of a Lars Von Trier movie around the corner

Next on @GMA: exclusive video of @serenawilliams? stopping alleged thief who grabs her phone https://t.co/fO5FJolRxy pic.twitter.com/aKSPJWVvLY

— Michael Del Moro (@MikeDelMoro) November 5, 2015

Everybody lauded Serena’s gutsy citizen’s arrest except for one wet blanket who reminded women that it’s probably not a good idea to chase after a strange man who steals your shit. It’s a good way to get hurt. Though she added the caveat that if you can bench 400 and squat six it’s go-time to beat an old queer’s ass.

Photo credit: Getty Images