Kobe Bryant Poetic So Long

Kobe Bryant announced his retirement at the conclusion of the current NBA season via a poem entitled ‘Dear Basketball’. The poem is in lieu of giving back the $25 million this season for helping his team finish in last place. Kobe free verses through a chronology of his obsessive love for the game, from inspiration to exit.

I played through the sweat and hurt
Not because challenge called me
But because YOU called me.
I did everything for YOU
Because that’s what you do
When someone makes you feel as
Alive as you’ve made me feel.

Patrick Ewing has already declared Kobe Bryant to be the Maya Angelou of the NBA while admitting Maya Angelou was never close to being the Kobe Bryant of poetry. The twenty-eight percent of Kobe’s teammates who could stand him agreed he will be missed from the game. The junior hotel receptionist who claims Kobe ass raped her asked to see more poetry before giving her critical opinion.

The only people who should really announce their retirements via poetry are poets and gay porn stars. You’re a legendary baller. Make a big fucking shot and walk off the court. It’s time for you to be with your wife and kids for a week before announcing a big dollar player coaching gig not anywhere close to your wife and kids. How does a fish know not to jump out of the water? Instinct.

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