Socialists Are Ultimately Still Stupid

Bernie Sanders supporters are largely more educated than Clinton supporters, but widely less practical. Despite the fact that Sanders college-aged Internet minions flooded the polling sites post Democratic debate to declare Bernie Sanders the hippy atheist god almighty, every single major media outlet including CNN which ran the debate picked Hillary Clinton as the winner. Now Sanders followers are outraged, bemused, and frazzled. The standard emotional state of socialists.

I’m reluctantly forced to admire young Utopian dreamers. Before you get your first real STD or crappy job to pay the rent or unwanted pregnancy or draft notice or lousy marriage or mortgage or cancer, that is the time to dream of a perfect world. A land where everybody chooses bikes over cars, the homeless are no longer mentally ill alcoholics but misunderstood poets, and the fry guy and the McDonald’s CEO both make 40 bucks and hour, 10 after taxes. But politics isn’t about childish dreams. It’s about mafioso level bodies in the dumpster realities.

CNN is owned by Time Warner Cable. It donates heavily to the Clintons and Bushes for a reason that has nothing to do with the political philosophy you cherish while smoking pot in the quad and discussing Marx. It has to do with access and power and money. Big huge gobs of money in billion dollar chunks. Let’s see, do we support the socialist who wants to break us up into little bits and force us to compete with public access channels on taxpayer funded steroids or do we want the hacks who will keep us tight and flush with monopoly cash?

I had a dream last night that I fucked Kate Upton while Justin Verlander stood in the corner and lamented how I deserved his Cy Young award. Then I woke up and I was fucking my pillow while my cleaning lady stared at me with the vacuum cleaner brush held aloft in a defensive posture. It’s time to grow up. You’re getting Clinton.

Photo credit: CNN