Jessica Simpson One Regret

Jessica Simpson’s one regret isn’t her gay pastor dad in black leather pants or having to lug her sister into an undeserved singing career or even the fact that consuming a single Cheetoh causes her expand to 10x girth. It’s her first husband Nick Lachey, who she quickly cited as the biggest financial mistake of her billion dollar bank account.

Simpson’s CNBC interviewer informed her that first marriages are what most people cite as their worst money decision ever. Which should only serve to remind people, don’t marry the first person you’re certain is the right one. They’re not. Kim Davis is doing the sodomites a service by making them jump through hoops. Maybe that’s Jesus’ real plan. A cooling off period to decide whether good orgasms deserve a lifetime bond of three years and tons of community property divisions. If you can trust anybody it’s a blond ditz who’s fallen into a shoes and accessories empire. That’s the new oracle.

Photo Credit: FameFlynet