Jared Fogle Likes Them Young

Fat thin guy or possibly thin fat guy Jared Fogle apparently fucked a Subway employee with whom he openly shared the fact that he’d fucked a sixteen year old hooker. Before you assume this sandwich artist is a keeper realize she ratted him out to authorities. Fogle reportedly bragged about the encounter, which any woman would find offensive were it Shirley Temple let alone the chick cut from the cheerleading squad. If you ever get a text like this, realize nobody else is into it and they’re baiting you. After talking way too much about his exploits, the no doubt haggard and bitter human resources worker texted him from the FBI’s Radisson suite complete with plastic cups:

“Is this the same website you found that 16-year-old girl that you fucked. . . .I still can’t believe you only paid $100 for her.”

This is when you say something like I don’t know what you’re talking about and someone stole my phone. Fogle, whose phone was hidden somewhere in his pockets of flab and processed cheese ridden mitochondria reportedly responded “It was amazing.” This is why you can’t trust women. Or men for that matter. You don’t become a sixteen year old hooker without more than two unhealthy role models. Bottom line, learn how to negotiate. That’s why you stay in high school. Lest you end up working for Subway. Never trust a Fogle. The meatballs aren’t bad.

Photo Credit: Twitter