Gene Simmons Home Investigated for Child Porn

A special child porn police force of the future raided the home of Gene Simmons where they grabbed up computers and other electronic devices which may or may not include Shannon Tweed’s vibrator because I’d take that too. Police are quick to point out that nobody in the Simmons family is suspected of downloading child porn, but somebody did do the criminal deed using their Internet account. Obvious culprits include the family dog who rubs his cock on trees and the neighbors with the Econoline van who operate a volunteer day care center called Beautiful Child.

Thanks for your support. We couldn’t be more horrified that someone used our residence for such heinous crimes. Law enforcement is on it. Goodnight and don’t forget to change your passwords. — Shannon Tweed on Twitter

Jesus, Jared. Why didn’t you figure out such an impenetrable defense strategy? That creepy Burger King horked my Wifi. As it turns out, Beth is not a strong password. Congratulations, you’re going to need new laptops and some better hair plugs.

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