Car Fuckers Issue False Apology

Daniel Watts has two credits to her name, Django Unchained and fucking her powdery boyfriend in public. After all of Ventura Blvd saw them boning in a salvage title Benz, Watts tried to pull the race card which didn’t work because she currently had a piece of white stick stuck inside her. As part of the couple’s plea deal for disturbing the peace they were forced to write letters apologizing to the police and the people in the office building whose lunches they were ruining. Does this letter writing campaign extend to murderers or just people who can’t afford a motel room laden with dirty syringes? The passive aggressive letters offer no hint of an apology:

“We are truly sorry that our expression of love caused such a disturbance to your lives that you felt it was threatening enough to warrant police involvement.”

Everyone else is sorry except for you and your ratchety boyfriend. There are two steps involved in becoming an adult. Stop fucking in public and learn to admit when you’re wrong. Also start talking about restaurants a lot and realize you’re never going to go zip lining with Stevie Wonder. Develop and obscure solitary hobby as a way to shut people out. Binge eat. Diet. Agonize over having an affair. Don’t do it and hold it against your significant other. Start browsing Bed Bath & Beyond catalogs and spend a day at the farmer’s market while secretly sneaking away to pound scotch at the PF Chang’s. Maybe more than two. Grow the fuck up.

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