Subway’s Jared May Have Stuck His Six-Inch Where It Didn’t Belong

It was only a matter of time, but Subway’s Jared Fogle’s home has been probed in connection with a child porn ring. Let the judicial system play out but that guy’s not normal. Daddy always said you never trust a Fogle. This comes two months after the head of the Fogle Foundation, ostensibly aimed at fighting childhood obesity, was arrested on child porn charges, promptly fired, and then attempted suicide and is now on life support. Pussy. It was reported that Fogle ran a porn video trade out of his dorm room while at Indiana University, although there is no insinuation there was anything illegal going on besides some possible copyright violations, which are frowned upon nearly as much as producing child porn. It seems possible a few before and after pics of a kid who lost weight on meatball heroes could constitute child porn. Yet the attempted suicide is what some might call a tell. So is Fogle’s face. Whether or not he is guilty I hope this is enough to get him off my fucking television and out of my life. It’s been twenty years of hell. Bad for the kids too apparently.

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