Put Down The Baby, Dumb Ass

Genius hero and model American Jason Pierre Paul, who plays defensive end for the New York Giants, injured his hand so badly in a fireworks accident that he risked having it removed although it appears he will not suffer any longterm damage beyond his reputation. No word on whether he had a beer in his hand or that baby. He posted a video to Instagram prior to the accident looking not sober, as is customary on holidays or seven week anniversaries. Essentially any time you have the day off. Paul was up for a $15 million contract but had yet to sign. That’s an expensive habit. Although it is an unfortunate incident it would have been hilarious to witness before realizing how bad he fucked himself. Stay off the booze kids. Wait, that’s fine. Stay away from the fireworks. They’ll fuck you up. At least hire a goyim to light them for you.

Photo Credit: Instagram