Kenyans Tell Obama To Shut His Big Gay Mouth

The Kenyan people have a natural affinity for President Obama, so they put out the welcome wagon big time for his arrival and tour of all the great things going on in Kenya not related to the Islamic terrorism, corruption, starvation, and not winning a major Marathon in almost three Marathons. The country’s Christian clergy were not so impressed. Ministers representing some ten million practicing Christian Kenyans got together and wrote a note to Obama to tell him to shut the fuck up about Kenya needing to be go big on the gay like the U.S.

“We do not want him to come and talk on homosexuality in Kenya or push us to accepting that which is against our faith and culture. Let him talk about development; let him talk about cooperation; let him talk about the long-time relationship Kenya has had with America. But about our beliefs and culture– keep off!”

Given all the mortal problems plaguing the world’s shittiest continent, it seems a trifle out of order to make ant-gay biblical shit such a focus of your letter writing campaigns. Still, there is something to be said for not coming to my house and telling me how to live. It’s still illegal to be openly gay in Kenya as it is in most African countries where colorful wardrobes and The AIDS run rampant nevertheless. Maybe we agree that you don’t imprison dudes for fucking each other up the ass and we keep the malaria drugs and maize freely flowing? Spit and shake hands. Wait, let’s just raise our palms from a distance in the tradition of the Watusi. You can’t preach gay rights if you’re dead.

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