Jessica Alba Storms Paris

Jessica Alba may be the chief executive of a bustling anti-vaxxer mommy organic diaper company, but there’s always going to be a draw for a chick this hot to show up big events and steal every single fucking camera. You can make a billion dollars pushing soy based tampons, but it’ll never tingle your stranger danger parts like the thrill of being the hottest woman at the party. There’s millions of years of instinct packed into wanting every dude in the place to dismiss your rivals and fertilize your egg sac. Feminist archers have me in their sights. I’m already dead. Carry on this message to pretty little girls being pushed into the hard sciences. It’ll never make you as happy as when your best friend’s boyfriend gets loaded and tells you you’re hotter.

Photo Credit: PacificCoastNews