Jaime King Finally Gives Birth

Superbly uninteresting piglet Jaime King finally shitted out her kid. King apparently believed the entire country was obsessively counting down to this moment and her husband showed her a taped Times Square ball dropping from the millennium celebration and then called her pretending to be Barack Obama offering congratulations. She believed him because she’s a retarded egomaniac who thinks she’s the only person to ever become pregant. It seemed for a minute the incessant distended belly lingerie pics would halt on Instagram but King didn’t skip a beat and is moving right into the breastfeeding pics because their stringent community standards didn’t allow a live feed of the birth or any subsequent vagina pics. King has no job to speak of, with bullet point number one on her resume being she’s friends with Taylor Swift. Outside of that she’s capable of talking shit about bottled water and bleaching her anus with organic peroxide. King will no doubt document her feeding of the child to a chorus of online applause and god willing an instructional video. No word how the couple pays their rent. I don’t often use the term hero. Cunt much more often.

Photo Credit: Instagram