EPSN Body Issue Has Naked Weird Looking Women

I can’t remember what the pretext was for launching the ESPN Magazine Body Issue. Something about adoring the powerful woman athlete or shit you might spout when trying to get laid at the sports sorority mixer. The business reason was to nab some of that SI Swimsuit sweet circulation bump. Now every July a week or so before ESPN declares Caitlyn Jenner a national treasure, a bunch of women’s sports stars take off their clothes and contort the shit out of their bodies to keep from showing off their tits or vaginas. ESPN wants to praise the female athlete body, but not the parts that make them women. Coca-Cola is watching.

The list of well known female sports stars who will get buck naked for these photos isn’t long, so the picking and choosing isn’t tremendous. This isn’t like putting up a Craigslist ad for Hot Girls 18-25 Paid Modeling. That’ll net you a thousand warm bodies with big tits outside your door. Try it sometime on a lazy weekend. With the Body Issue, you’re delving into the WNBA already with your second pick. That Aly Raisman chick’s body looks like the 5-foot tall cyborgs we’ll all be having sex with in fifty years. I didn’t even show you all the naked male athletes. I don’t want to be that guy. In my version of equality everybody keeps their clothes on because it nets out for the better.

Photo Credit: ESPN Magazine