Demi Moore’s Pool Claims a Life

Demi Moore was shocked by the death of a 21-year old man in her pool over the weekend. This kind of thing only happens every now and then at Moore’s house so she’s still not quite used to it. Publicists for the family are quick to point out that while Demi and her three unemployed adult daughters routinely throw late night cinnamon challenges at the Beverly Hills home, they were all out of town this weekend pretending to do shit and the house was in the hands of the caretaker. Caretaker being the agreed upon W-2 title for the young female Moore family connect who often bunks out at the house.

The caretaker, who by definition failed, is claiming limited alcohol was served at the party. Or, more precisely, just enough to get a guy who had no idea how to swim to tip into a pool and drown without anybody else noticing. Everybody is wondering how Demi Moore will respond in regard to her house. Will she sell it? Can she ever look at that pool again? If she fires the caretaker, who brings over the Adderall with just a quick text reminder? The other dude is already dead. Life goes on. Has anybody called Juan the pool guy? We’re going to need more chlorine.