Ashton Kutcher And Mila Kunis Whatever

The inexplicably famous purveyors of awful shit Ashton Kutcher and Mila Kunis finally got married even though it was widely assumed they already are and people were waiting for them to get into a plane crash. Kunis dropped a nauseating quote which solidified the grey matter sized marble of hatred in my heart for the couple of bastards:

“My first real kiss ever was with him on the show. We all get movie star crushes. I’m marrying mine.”

Are you talking about Dude Where’s My Car? or have you mistaken him for Christian Bale again? Because you’re the only person doing that. Five bucks says he bangs the cleaning lady yet I’ll drop a hundred to not have to hear about it. I just pictured them fucking and have been vomiting stale Gatorade for several hours. I just thought about it again there goes another laptop. Seriously ride off into the sunset and suck each other’s dicks but for the love of Christ leave us alone. If I see this chick on one more of Maxim’s list I’m moving back to New Zealand. Failing that possibly Iowa. Fuck, you can’t win. She looks like she smells.

Photo Credit: Instagram