WNBA’S First Couple Pregnant

Married couple Glory Johnson and Brittney Griner are taking a break from beating the shit out of each other at family barbecues to welcome a child into the world. Sources close to the situation insist Johnson was not pregnant when she got gut punched by fem Shaq a few months ago, although it’s troubling this distinction has to be made. Johnson will sit out the entire WNBA season, as Griner decided getting her wife knocked up via turkey baster might mean less competition come playoff time. I’m guessing her team will still be paying her salary because if Sweden has taught us anything it’s that the Nazis were spot on and every woman should have the right to agree to provide services for a set amount of money and then consciously choose to render herself unable to do so while still getting paid in full. It’s unclear who the sperm donor was but I think it’s obvious we’re all hoping for Rick Moranis. Get that kid some catcher’s gear ,these girls fight dirty.

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