Trump Loses Chilean Hunk

The uncomfortably handsome Chilean actor set to host Donald Trump’s owned Miss USA pageant has pulled out because Trump called Mexican immigrants murderous raping drug dealers who smell like bad tacos. Cristian de la Fuente even made a selfie video of his disdain for Trump, because that’s what you do when you’re angry and can make women cum with just your three-day facial hair.

Mr. Trump, as a Latino, I cannot work in an event associated with your name. The statements you made against Mexicans and immigrants show that you are an ignorant. It is unacceptable to launch your presidential candidacy creating a rhetoric of hatred and discrimination in calling Mexicans drug dealers and rapists. It is a shame that such an important institution as Miss USA is in the hands of a clown.

Oh, man, you had me until that last part. Also, clown seems kind of rough when he only said you fuck your mothers and sell your sisters to drunken sailers for tortilla money.

People who support Trump say he’s an honest speaker. Which means he’s an asshole. Also, he has no chance of winning. Spanish language network Univision also announced its dropping coverage of Trump’s Miss USA pageant for his dirty spics off the cuff remark. Trump has threatened to sue Univision for hundreds of millions for breach of contract even though everybody is certain that if the Miss USA pageant doesn’t air nobody but the handsy stepdads of the contestants would even notice.

Trump has since backed off his original comments with numerous odes to the natural splendor of our neighbor to the South and testimonials from his Mexican domestic staff about how Señor Trump’s beatings are always merited. Week one seems to be going smoothly.

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