Rebel Wilson Full Of It

Rebel Wilson was exposed by an Australian tabloid for lying about her name and age. It turns out her given name is not Rebel Wilson, but the much more fitting Melanie Elizabeth Bownds. If this comes as a shock to you you’re most likely a nine year old in Queensland writing your first book report about one of your heroes of the fat acceptance movement. Rebel Wilson is a hot chick in a punk rock band with an ass that’s a little too bony. This chick is clearly a Bownds. Wilson is also not 29 as she had previously claimed, but 36, which elicits a shrug from anyone who’s not an aspiring rapper. Wilson also claimed in an interview with Ellen that she is from “The ghetto” which turns out to be total bullshit if you didn’t already know people from the ghetto don’t call it that. Wilson responded on Twitter to being caught by not taking the whole thing seriously because it fucking isn’t:

“OMG I’m actually a 100 year old mermaid formerly known as “CC Chalice”… thanks shady Australian press for your tall poppy syndrome x… Okay but all jokes aside now…my real name is Fat Patricia x.”

Half the people in Hollywood are full of shit and the other half’s parents own the studios. Sometimes you get a Charlie Sheen who runs the gamut but it’s rare for crack to make it north of Rodeo. Wilson is now being portrayed as a victim by certain groups who think fat people deserve special treatment but I say take your side of ranch and call it a day. Also don’t lie about shit. We have the Internet and a lot of time. This explains how she got Pitch Perfect over Streep.

Photo Credit: Twitter