Paris Hilton DJs In Cannes

I could tell you how much money Paris Hilton gets slipped into her garter to DJ Cannes film festival nightclub events but it would just cause you to punch something you love. As the reigning world’s greatest DJ as determined by formerly bi-curious men on the continent, Paris’ take is something north of the GDP of the entire misunderstood continent of Africa, though only 72% of what Bill Gates makes thanks to shitty sexism. Everybody comes to see Paris work her laptop, her functioning retina locked on the track pad as if the party lives of four hundred French-speaking Arabs depended on it. Cannes is bank for Paris. If you hate it, you hate capitalism and are probably rooting for ISIS. Stop hating on Paris and start loving America. You won’t get the herp if you take her from behind. Read it on Web MD.

Photo Credit: FameFlynet